Amberleigh rules the world. Again.

I needed to repost this letter Amberleigh got from a new client. It is so freaking classic. Names have been changed to preserve anonymity:

Hello!

This is Tom from Bottle Cap, and I wanted to send you a quick email about a couple things. First of all, I went to the Miss White Trash website and listened to the Born to Be Wild song. It's ridiculous! Good work. I could ramble on about it but I'll leave it at that. You are a fascinating character and I'm glad we chatted the other day. I'd definitely like to go to the pageant this year.

Second, I need a haircut. Bad. From what I gathered of our conversation, you are a hairdresser. This is good news because I've had a tough time finding someone I can trust with the delicate equilibrium of my hair. I've gotten several lousy haircuts here in town. In fact, the only haircut I've been really satisfied with cost me 9.99 at this little place run by a southeast asian family behind a convenience store on Stark St. The hairdresser didn't speak much English, but she seemed to understand what I was saying. Maybe she's telepathic. I don't know. Anyway, I have a slightly more specialty hairstyle now that I wouldn't trust with the telepathic southeast asian lady, and I've come to realize that I'm just not good at cutting my own hair, which I've been doing off and on for like 6 years. So perhaps you can help me with my pathetic mullet.

Now I say pathetic for a few reasons. First of all, it's based less on some hipster fashion statement than it is pure functionality. I like having long hair, something for the ladies to grab on to, but my hair just doesn't grow well on top. To be fair, it's kind of thin up there and I do my best not to highlight that. So I keep it short and semi-professional up there. The back, though, well that's where the party is. Right now it looks really crappy, though, and I'm looking for someone familiar with mullets AND how to cut them. I have a feeling that you might be that special someone.

Is this something you could help me out with?

Also, good luck on the Family Feud. That's so badass that you're going to be on that show!

Tom.

I can't handle how fabulous that letter is. Oh, how we love to specialize. Done.